Dreaming of My Addictions

Well, I have come to the realization that not only am I addicted to Starbucks but I am becoming addicted to MySpace. The reason is because I have been reunited with 3 friends from my past. I even met up with one friend this weekend. I hadn't seen her in over 3 years. Incredible! It even leads me to wonder, who will I come in contact with next?

A couple of weeks ago, I had another dream. If you had read a couple of blogs earlier, then you know about my "Cracker Barrel dream." Well, this time it was Dunkin Donuts. I would like to think that I would dream about Krispy Kreme donuts, but for some reason it was Dunkin Donuts. I think maybe it is because we have a Dunkin Donuts but no Krispy Kreme here in Clarksville. The dream was me walking inside the store and ordering a dozen of various donuts. I got the box and took it to my car. Then I woke up. Once again, I do not get to eat the food in my dream. What is with that? So I decided to pick up some donuts before work. I parked my car and proceeded to the front door and noticed a sign saying "cash only." Crap! I had no cash and I wanted donuts bad. So I got back into my car and drove to the nearest ATM. I got $20 out and headed back. Once again, I parked my car and walked in the front door. At the counter, I order a variety of 12 donuts, making sure I get the boston creme donuts with chocolate on top. MMMM! I notice the board behind the employee which had iced coffees and frappacinos listed. Before she rings me up, I ask for a caramel mocha frappacino. She asks what size. I ask how big the sizes are. I asked this because, as we all know, the sizes of drinks have become astronomical. She shows me what looks to be 12, 16 and 20 oz cups. I thought that I would go for the medium. Then I was asked if I would like whip cream on top. No was my answer and then I proceed to pay as my drink was being made. Unfortunately, I was speaking another language again. Why am I so hard to understand? After paying, I am handed a drink in a 44 oz cup with whip cream on top. What is this? This can't be my drink. I wanted the 16 oz. with no whip cream. But once I looked up from this drink, I didn't seem to care. Because not only was the size and the topping messed up, but I seemed to also have an iced coffee and not a frappacino. By the way, when I took a drink, it was an iced caramel coffee. No mocha. It was pretty gross. I think I will stick with Starbucks.

On Friday, I went to pick up some Thai food for me and Vanessa. The Thai House is pretty good. It is no Taste of Thai (which is in Knoxville), but it is a good second choice. The restaurant is a good 20 minute drive from Vanessa's house, but I didn't care. I was starving and craving Thai food. I was ok earlier until Vanessa said she wanted Thai. Dang you Vanessa! Arriving at the restaurant, I noticed it was a whole new group of people running it. Did someone buy the restaurant? Usually, it was a family of three that ran it. Well, I ordered yellow curry chicken for me and pad Thai for Vanessa. I paid for the food and started on my trek to Vanessa's house. It was a long drive. I almost couldn't wait. The anticipation was killing me. I love yellow curry chicken. I do remember thinking in the car that it is nice that I don't have a problem with the Thai House. My problem before was that they were always closed during business hours and more importantly, they were closed when I drove out there to eat. It was a constant frustration that now, I don't have to deal with. I'm very happy about that. Well, I got to Vanessa's and we quickly get the food out. I dish out my rice and pour the yellow curry overtop. I quickly take a large bite. What did I just put into my mouth? No, I didn't just have short term memory loss. That is not yellow curry chicken. I take another bite which is equally disgusting. What is this? This can't be. Not my beloved yellow curry chicken. This was dishwater with yellow food coloring poured over rice. I paid $20 for this food and I hate wasting food, but I couldn't eat it. Vanessa's food was apparently not as bad tasting but it wasn't good either. She decided to eat it which turned out to be a terrible mistake. She is still throwing up today.

This leads me to wonder, will I have a problem with MySpace. Hopefully not. At least, I don't think it will end up like my coffee or Thai addictions. It certainly shouldn't taste bad, so I got that going for me.

I received an email from a friend of mine named Kristin. The email had links to a video called "Salad Fingers." I am not sure what the heck this is. It was strange and somewhat disturbing. There were additional links for more Salad Finger videos. So I watched the second one. AHHHHHHHHH! Folks this one is truly disturbing. I think my days of dreaming of hashbrown casserole and donuts are over. Nightmares of Salad Fingers and rusty spoons will haunt me forever. I will never look at a salad again without seeing that crazy cartoon. And by the way, Kristin is also the person that showed me the Capri-Sun twist. I guess since I didn't give her credit before, my punishment was her sending me the Salad Fingers links.

Detective spoof wins coveted bad-writing prize is my news story of interest. The opening line to the book is this "Detective Bart Lasiter was in his office studying the light from his one small window falling on his super burrito when the door swung open to reveal a woman whose body said you've had your last burrito for a while, whose face said angels did exist, and whose eyes said she could make you dig your own grave and lick the shovel clean." Wow! It definitely deserves the award. Although, one part of the line does seem true, because when I see an attractive woman, her body is definitely saying that I've had my last burrito for a while.

An Odd Twist

Not all that long ago I learned something amazing. Something that has completely changed my life, well maybe not completely changed. More of a slight change. Did you know that when trying to stab a CapriSun juice, that you twist the straw so that you do not stab straight through the pouch? Unbelievable! All this time, I would try to poke a hole with the straw and struggled. I would either stab straight through the pouch or it would not go through at all. I stopped drinking CapriSun back in middle school because of the constant frustration of my juice going everywhere except my mouth. This drinking problem was something I was ashamed about. But now knowing about the twist changes everything. I have now gone back to CapriSun after a long hiatus. It is absolutely delicious! My only problem now is that Bugsy (my cat) likes to paw at it which causes a slight flood to happen. So this makes me wonder, what else do I not know about?

Well, one thing I didn't know about is how I eat sandwiches. I eat them in a particular way. One bite at a time I go across the sandwich from left to right. Three bites across and then I drop down and go three more from right to left. I repeat this until I have finished my sandwich. I have never noticed this before. My co-worker watched me eat and pointed it out. I wasn't sure she was telling the truth, but then I caught myself doing it. How weird? How long have I been doing this? I may have other things that I do and have just never been aware.

Feel free to add a comment at the end of this blog about some of the odd things you've noticed I have done. Now we all know the stupid things I have done, so don't post those. This blog probably can't hold that much info. Just send the odd things.

On Friday after Memorial Day, I went to downtown Nashville to see Andy Kirk sing. I was very impressed all around. Nothing odd that I saw. Good job Andy!

A news story of interest is "Workers punished for naked pranks." This business sounds like it has a pretty relaxed dress code policy. Thank God Pattie doesn't work there!

Oklahoma Is Not Even One Time OK!

Three times the excitement! Three times the action! Three times the drama! This is the wonderful line TBS uses when they decide to run the same movie all weekend. I really don't understand how it can be three times the excitement, action or drama. It seems to be the same amount no matter what day you watch it. Clarksville and all of Middle Tennessee seems to be tornado alley of late. This is very different from what I am used to. So it stood to reason that I ended up on a trip to Oklahoma. With all the luck of getting drilled by storms, I thought my luck really hadn't changed to much and I would experience storms there. After all, Oklahoma is the real tornado alley. I arrive in Oklahoma with not much to do, so I decided to watch tv. You will never guess what was on tv! Are you done guessing? It was Twister! All weekend long! Come on! It was amazing how everytime I turned on the tv, it was playing. This really made me wonder what was in store for me. I decided to check out the weather and I had a great change in luck. It was to be sunny and in the 80's and 90's the entire time. So maybe I was a little premature about thinking Oklahoma was a terrible place.

Everyone decided to go out to eat (there was eight of us). The hotel staff had told us of a wonderful restaurant in town called "Meers." So we all made a trip out there. Way out there. It wasn't even in the same town we were. It took about 30 to 40 minutes just to get there, but at least we were there. I was starving. We get seated immediately at a picnic table with benches and a round table to add two extra seats. I was sitting on the picnic bench. Our large waitress comes over to take our drink order. She stands behind me but certain parts of her are on top of me. I move in toward the table as much as possible but she is still hang out on top of me. After getting our drinks, she starts to take our food order. Again, she is standing behind me and because she is a large woman, parts of her were rubbing up against me. This was making me uncomfortable but it was a small discomfort. As long as I got some good food, I will be alright. One person tried to order chicken. She told us they were out of chicken. Then he tried the tenderloin. She said they were out of the tenderloin. He asked what the special was. She said it was barbecue. He tried to order it and she responded with they were out of the special. There seemed to be a pattern here, so we asked what do you have. She said they had burgers and steak. Well, that was easier, so I ordered the famous 1 lb burger called the Prospector. I couldn't wait to eat the best burger in Oklahoma. After ordering the burger, one person asked how big it is. Since she was on top of me she used my head as a visual aid. It was about as big as my head. Then she looked at me and said, "You are kind of squirmy and wormy." What? Are you kidding me? A couple of people ordered the salad bar. The only problem with ordering that was that they were out of lettuce. That is usually an important part of a salad. Don't you think? After a short wait, our food was coming out. Everyone got there food except for me and one other person. I started to think about my Cracker Barrel dream. I was praying that that was not going to happen here. After waiting a few minutes, the waitress comes with my food. I ordered my burger without onions and it comes out with a ton of onions. I really wish that was the most glaring problem with my burger. I have a round pan with a hamburger in it, but I also have probably 3/4 of meat grounded up all around the actual burger. What is this? Isn't the whole thing supposed to be a burger pattie on a bun. I got a burger pattie on a bun but it was smaller than the pile of beef just laying around it. If this wasn't bad enough, the waitress started telling us how they would check for worms in squirmy wormy people. Something about bending over and using a flashlight. Come on! What wormhole did I go through to get here?

Well, I have officially moved. Benjamin helped me move and consume about 20 Starbucks Frappacinos. I am exaggerating, it was about 15. I really need to go to rehab.

This blogs news story is "Would-be robber asks bank how to do it." I believe it is good practice to ask how to do something if you don't know how to do it. But if it is illegal, you may want to avoid asking advice from someone that can get you arrested.

No Casserole For You!

So, there has been a few things that have happened since my last blog. I had a dream about a week and a half ago. I dreamed that I went to Cracker Barrel with all my friends. We sat at a large table. The waitress came over and took our orders. I had order the Old Timer's Breakfast. I particularly remember this because I wanted the hashbrown casserole. After a few minutes, the waitress brings the food. She lays down a plate in front of everyone but me. I asked where my food was. The waitress responds by saying she was sorry, but she had forgotten. She said she would go and get it now. So the waitress leaves and I sit and wait as everyone is enjoy their food. After a few minutes, I get up from the table and I find the waitress. I ask her again where my food was. She again said she was sorry. She had forgotten, but will bring my food to me immediately. So I head back to my table and sit down. A few seconds later the waitress had arrived with my food. She sets the food in front of me and before I could take a bite, I wake up. No!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I really wanted that hashbrown casserole. The next day at work, I was craving Cracker Barrel and the hashbrown casserole. What a horrible nightmare!

Instead of having that wonderful breakfast that I so craved, I went to the gas station that is right beside my work. They sell biscuits there and I was extremely hungry as you know. I ordered a chicken biscuit. The woman behind the counter said they were sold out of the chicken biscuits but had a really good pork chop biscuit. I said ok as long as it was really good. Then a woman behind me starts talking. I turn around and realize she is talking to me and the woman behind the counter. She tells us that she bought a biscuit the other day and that she could not eat it right away. She had to wait several hours and then proceeded to heat it up in the microwave. When she pulled it out from the microwave, she had to "fight off her coworkers" because it smelled so good. This woman said this was the best tasting biscuit she had had in a long time. It was still fresh tasting. She told the woman behind the counter that "Ya'll must do something to these biscuits to make them so good. You must put your feet into them." I quickly paid for my biscuit and left. Feet? What in the world does she mean by putting your feet into it? I'm sorry, but no matter how good a biscuit is, I do not want one that has had someone's feet in it. Is that what we should say when we have had a good meal at a restaurant? Wow, that was a great Lasagna! You must have put your feet into it. Thank you! To me, it might bring a question of health code violation rather than a compliment.

Benjamin came to visit me in Clarksville the last weekend in April. We attempted to look for the Bell Witch Cave and house. It was only about 20 miles from where I live. We ended up lost due to the fact that the owner took down all his signs. Why would he do that? A movie (An American Haunting) is about to come out and he can probably make alot of money. Not sure why, but when asking for directions, a man with a lazy eye or glass eye, not really sure, would tell you it is because he is a ***** (explicative). This man repeatedly told Benjamin this. So we promptly left there. The next day we went to eat at Cracker Barrel. I am assuming you know why. So I order the Old Timer's Breakfast, while Benjamin orders some horrible looking fishy dinner. I have no problems receiving my food. It was so delicious. As we were eating, there was a barking noise behind Benjamin. Benjamin asked if I heard that. It sounded like a dog barking. I told Benjamin yes and to be quiet. There was a large woman and man sitting right behind Benjamin. The man had a big stack of pancakes. He would cut himself a small portion, bark a couple of times and then proceed to eat. The man repeatedly did this and Benjamin asked me several times if I heard that. I soon pointed out to Benjamin that it was the man behind him barking at his pancakes. Oh how weird! Later, the waitress came to our table when we were done and asked how our meal was. I respond, "It was great. You must put your feet into it. Thanks!"

"Ga. Woman Collects Outhouses for Backyard," is this blog's news story. If people wonder what we do for hobbies in the South, we'll here you go. This is just one of many. She currently has three outhouses in her backyard with room for more. Some might be about 100 years old, which would explain the unpleasant smell that is causing the evacuation of the entire neighborhood. For a real estate broker, she really needs to learn about what increases and decreases property value.

By the way, An American Haunting is a horrible movie. Waisting seven dollars on this movie will haunt you for a long time. Until next time.

Paroled and Tasty!

Hello everyone! I'm back! I don't know why I keeping writing that I'm back. I guess I just like it. I know it has been a couple of weeks but I have been busy. First, I am getting ready to move. Not from Clarksville, at least not yet. But I am moving in with a friend/co-worker. It should save me a lot of money. I can see the light out from my dark grave of bills and I am extremely excited to get started saving money for a special trip and maybe a house (I can only hope!). My good friend, Benjamin, came to visit me for a few days. It was a lot of fun. We watched some good and bad movies, ate Burritos Fresh, drank Starbucks, played putt-putt and hit some baseballs in the batting cages. To elaborate, Burritos Fresh is a Mexican restaurant that serves mostly burritos. But these are no ordinary burritos. Oh no! These burritos weigh about 5 lbs. At least they feel that heavy. They have about a pound of meat and then they load you up with rice, beans, guacamole, jalapanos, etc. They serve the biggest burritos I have ever seen. I can eat the entire burrito but I can't eat anything else. Great restaurant! Also, I should mention that I actually did hit a baseball in the batting cage. Just don't ask how many where pitched to me. I did foul tip one off my knee. That should count as a hit. After all, it was contact. More recent, I went home to Knoxville on Friday the 14th for my mother's birthday. It was great seeing her as well as my sister and father. I wish I was able to spend more time with them. I made a stop in Nashville on my way back to Clarksville. I stopped at Life Assembly to see John's play being performed at church. It was called Shriveled Heart and it was excellent.

Now I am back here in Clarksville, playing with the idea of online dating. I just don't know about this. It is like I am applying for a job. You put your resume in the website in hopes that a potential employer thinks that you would be a good fit. If you pass the resume part, then you get interviewed. You talk for a while and if you pass this interview, then you get to the second interview which is in person. Sounds way too business like, but then again lots of people are meeting there spouses this way. I was still curious so I thought I would look at a few websites. I could not believe what I saw. It is crazy! Someone actually put on the title next to her picture "Tasty Stacy." Then I saw another one say "Paroled and Ready!" Good Lord! I am not even sure what to say about that. I am sure there are good people out there but seeing that doesn't make me feel too good about this online thing. Not sure that I will go through with it but Muffy is telling me I should at least try it. If nothing else, I will have some good blogging material.

"Phony doctor gives free breast exams" is this blogs news story. Are you kidding me? Please don't get a home breast exam from a doctor you don't even know. I know it's free but come on. You should really pay an actual doctor to sexually assault you. At least you will know the results. Terrible!

Well, until next time.

Pattie's Presence Causes Another Injury

What is it about Pattie and me having injuries or illnesses. I can't escape this curse. Back in early 2003, Pattie and Vanessa went with me to New York. I had a cold but it quickly turned into a full blown illness when I arrived in New York. I was so sick that Pattie's aunt, who is a health care professional, thought that I was in serious trouble. She was ready to take me to the emergency room. Then in 2004, I went on a trip to Las Vegas with Pattie. It was a rough trip as my right foot was broken. I tried to keep up with Pattie but it is difficult walking in a wooden shoe down the Las Vegas strip. Quite amusing too! Now to this weekend. Pattie comes to visit and mysteriously my shoulder is completely screwed up. I can not lift my hand above my shoulder. It is very painful. So I am finally making the connection. It is Pattie. I am not sure how she is doing it, but if you see her, walk away carefully (don't run, it gives her a chance to make you trip and fall). I am not sure how Rich is still alive. Actually, I haven't heard from Rich since the wedding. Someone better check on him.

The wedding I was referring to was Vanessa and Ken's. It was a very beautiful wedding. Everyone looked great. Good job everyone!

Well, since nothing too bizarre has happened to me this week (thank God!), I am going right to my news stories. Yes, I said "stories." I have 2 stories this time. The first one is titled "Loyal donkeys better than wives, says textbook." Now I agree that wives can complain sometimes, but I don't know about the donkeys. Maybe they do complain. After all, a donkey is commonly referred to as an "ass." They probably just sound a little less irritating. But why donkeys? Maybe there is another animal out there that would be even less irritating or more compatible. I am not sure what would be better but I know a bird would be worse. They are noisy most of the time and crap all over things.

The second is titled, "Jesus may have walked on ice, not water - study." What? Is this really what an oceanography professor at Florida State University studies? Maybe he should be studing the ocean for pertinent issues here in present day. Personally, if Jesus did walk on a piece of ice floating in the water, I think that is also a miracle. Do you know how hard that would be? Incredible! Either way it's a miracle.

Until next time and remember WATCH OUT FOR PATTIE!

March Madness!

Well, it is definitely that time of year again. The greatest sporting event period. The NCAA 64 team tournament. It is so exciting. I know quite a few people that are reading this paragraph and all they will comprehend is blah, blah, blah. Sorry, but I love basketball and the tournament. If you wish, skip to the next paragraph. It is not about sports. Every year I fill out a bracket and every year I watch as I hardly get any picks correct. It's funny how you always lose to someone who has no idea what they are picking. A couple of years ago, I did a bracket with my coworkers. The person that won chose the winners based on whether she liked their name or uniforms. How does that happen? I'm watching ESPN and doing research on the internet. Shouldn't I win? Actually, I don't put too much weight into winning the tournament pool. I just enjoy rooting for Tennessee, the SEC, and all underdogs. Nothing is better than a small 13, 14 or 15 seeded team beating a major high ranked program. March Madness is great!

Speaking of madness, I went to church this Sunday. I went to the early service which is at 8:15 am. After the service was over, I went downstairs to the Sunday School classrooms. I was waiting outside in the hallway to make sure I had the correct classroom. One of the teachers came out and introduced himself. He asked me what class I was looking to attend and then proceeded to invite me to his class. Although he did say that their class was actually helping with the lunch. I thought this would be a lot of fun. The lunch that they do is for the homeless and poor in the city. This is done every Sunday and each Sunday School class rotates working and serving. I helped prepare some food from 9:30 am to 10:30 am (mainly bread - real tough!). It was unbelievable how much food was there and it was all donated by restaurants and grocery stores. We started serving the food at 10:30 am. We had a buffet line that served hot food at the beginning and deserts at the end. I was in the middle serving salad. Everything was going well and I really felt good about helping. Then I turned to my left and saw one man near the deserts and he started taking off his coat. Then he proceeded to take his pants off. Yes, you read that correctly. This man just took his pants off inside the church. Now the madness comment at the beginning of this paragraph is starting to make sense. Only wearing underwear, he starts walking towards the kitchen area. I am in shock and turn to the woman beside me. As I am telling her there is a man walking around in his underwear, he apparently vomits in the kitchen and heads back out towards us. Now, everyone is fully aware of this half naked man. Thankfully one of the men in charge of the Sunday lunch stopped him from walking out of the dining area and into the sanctuary where the second service is being held. He helped the man get his clothes and escorted him out. The lunch was a great experience except for the half naked vomiting man. Some things you just don't expect to see at church. At least this was not me making a fool of myself in church. I have done this several times. There was the time in Milwaukee where we had a church service in a gymnasium. They used wicker baskets for the offering. I took the basket from the usher and proceeded to pass it down. I did not notice that my watch had caught on the wicker and also that the person next to me did not have a hold on it. I let go and brought my arm back in to my body. The basket turned over and the money was slung out. Why did people have to give so much change? It rolled so well on the gym floor. I had thrown money all over the floor. At least I didn't yell "money changers" as Jonathan suggested.

Here is another news story of the week, "Psychics to try contacting Lennon in TV seance." This is an all time low for TV. They are trying to contact people that we already know how they died. Wouldn't it be more exciting to contact Hoffa and find out where he was buried? And who killed him? Or maybe contact JFK or Marilyn Monroe? Why contact people that can't tell us anything important? Apparently in the first show, Princess Diana's spirit said her limo ride sucked. Wow, that's a shocker! I am sure this isn't a rip off. It's on TV. It has to be true.