Oklahoma Is Not Even One Time OK!

Three times the excitement! Three times the action! Three times the drama! This is the wonderful line TBS uses when they decide to run the same movie all weekend. I really don't understand how it can be three times the excitement, action or drama. It seems to be the same amount no matter what day you watch it. Clarksville and all of Middle Tennessee seems to be tornado alley of late. This is very different from what I am used to. So it stood to reason that I ended up on a trip to Oklahoma. With all the luck of getting drilled by storms, I thought my luck really hadn't changed to much and I would experience storms there. After all, Oklahoma is the real tornado alley. I arrive in Oklahoma with not much to do, so I decided to watch tv. You will never guess what was on tv! Are you done guessing? It was Twister! All weekend long! Come on! It was amazing how everytime I turned on the tv, it was playing. This really made me wonder what was in store for me. I decided to check out the weather and I had a great change in luck. It was to be sunny and in the 80's and 90's the entire time. So maybe I was a little premature about thinking Oklahoma was a terrible place.

Everyone decided to go out to eat (there was eight of us). The hotel staff had told us of a wonderful restaurant in town called "Meers." So we all made a trip out there. Way out there. It wasn't even in the same town we were. It took about 30 to 40 minutes just to get there, but at least we were there. I was starving. We get seated immediately at a picnic table with benches and a round table to add two extra seats. I was sitting on the picnic bench. Our large waitress comes over to take our drink order. She stands behind me but certain parts of her are on top of me. I move in toward the table as much as possible but she is still hang out on top of me. After getting our drinks, she starts to take our food order. Again, she is standing behind me and because she is a large woman, parts of her were rubbing up against me. This was making me uncomfortable but it was a small discomfort. As long as I got some good food, I will be alright. One person tried to order chicken. She told us they were out of chicken. Then he tried the tenderloin. She said they were out of the tenderloin. He asked what the special was. She said it was barbecue. He tried to order it and she responded with they were out of the special. There seemed to be a pattern here, so we asked what do you have. She said they had burgers and steak. Well, that was easier, so I ordered the famous 1 lb burger called the Prospector. I couldn't wait to eat the best burger in Oklahoma. After ordering the burger, one person asked how big it is. Since she was on top of me she used my head as a visual aid. It was about as big as my head. Then she looked at me and said, "You are kind of squirmy and wormy." What? Are you kidding me? A couple of people ordered the salad bar. The only problem with ordering that was that they were out of lettuce. That is usually an important part of a salad. Don't you think? After a short wait, our food was coming out. Everyone got there food except for me and one other person. I started to think about my Cracker Barrel dream. I was praying that that was not going to happen here. After waiting a few minutes, the waitress comes with my food. I ordered my burger without onions and it comes out with a ton of onions. I really wish that was the most glaring problem with my burger. I have a round pan with a hamburger in it, but I also have probably 3/4 of meat grounded up all around the actual burger. What is this? Isn't the whole thing supposed to be a burger pattie on a bun. I got a burger pattie on a bun but it was smaller than the pile of beef just laying around it. If this wasn't bad enough, the waitress started telling us how they would check for worms in squirmy wormy people. Something about bending over and using a flashlight. Come on! What wormhole did I go through to get here?

Well, I have officially moved. Benjamin helped me move and consume about 20 Starbucks Frappacinos. I am exaggerating, it was about 15. I really need to go to rehab.

This blogs news story is "Would-be robber asks bank how to do it." I believe it is good practice to ask how to do something if you don't know how to do it. But if it is illegal, you may want to avoid asking advice from someone that can get you arrested.

No Casserole For You!

So, there has been a few things that have happened since my last blog. I had a dream about a week and a half ago. I dreamed that I went to Cracker Barrel with all my friends. We sat at a large table. The waitress came over and took our orders. I had order the Old Timer's Breakfast. I particularly remember this because I wanted the hashbrown casserole. After a few minutes, the waitress brings the food. She lays down a plate in front of everyone but me. I asked where my food was. The waitress responds by saying she was sorry, but she had forgotten. She said she would go and get it now. So the waitress leaves and I sit and wait as everyone is enjoy their food. After a few minutes, I get up from the table and I find the waitress. I ask her again where my food was. She again said she was sorry. She had forgotten, but will bring my food to me immediately. So I head back to my table and sit down. A few seconds later the waitress had arrived with my food. She sets the food in front of me and before I could take a bite, I wake up. No!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I really wanted that hashbrown casserole. The next day at work, I was craving Cracker Barrel and the hashbrown casserole. What a horrible nightmare!

Instead of having that wonderful breakfast that I so craved, I went to the gas station that is right beside my work. They sell biscuits there and I was extremely hungry as you know. I ordered a chicken biscuit. The woman behind the counter said they were sold out of the chicken biscuits but had a really good pork chop biscuit. I said ok as long as it was really good. Then a woman behind me starts talking. I turn around and realize she is talking to me and the woman behind the counter. She tells us that she bought a biscuit the other day and that she could not eat it right away. She had to wait several hours and then proceeded to heat it up in the microwave. When she pulled it out from the microwave, she had to "fight off her coworkers" because it smelled so good. This woman said this was the best tasting biscuit she had had in a long time. It was still fresh tasting. She told the woman behind the counter that "Ya'll must do something to these biscuits to make them so good. You must put your feet into them." I quickly paid for my biscuit and left. Feet? What in the world does she mean by putting your feet into it? I'm sorry, but no matter how good a biscuit is, I do not want one that has had someone's feet in it. Is that what we should say when we have had a good meal at a restaurant? Wow, that was a great Lasagna! You must have put your feet into it. Thank you! To me, it might bring a question of health code violation rather than a compliment.

Benjamin came to visit me in Clarksville the last weekend in April. We attempted to look for the Bell Witch Cave and house. It was only about 20 miles from where I live. We ended up lost due to the fact that the owner took down all his signs. Why would he do that? A movie (An American Haunting) is about to come out and he can probably make alot of money. Not sure why, but when asking for directions, a man with a lazy eye or glass eye, not really sure, would tell you it is because he is a ***** (explicative). This man repeatedly told Benjamin this. So we promptly left there. The next day we went to eat at Cracker Barrel. I am assuming you know why. So I order the Old Timer's Breakfast, while Benjamin orders some horrible looking fishy dinner. I have no problems receiving my food. It was so delicious. As we were eating, there was a barking noise behind Benjamin. Benjamin asked if I heard that. It sounded like a dog barking. I told Benjamin yes and to be quiet. There was a large woman and man sitting right behind Benjamin. The man had a big stack of pancakes. He would cut himself a small portion, bark a couple of times and then proceed to eat. The man repeatedly did this and Benjamin asked me several times if I heard that. I soon pointed out to Benjamin that it was the man behind him barking at his pancakes. Oh how weird! Later, the waitress came to our table when we were done and asked how our meal was. I respond, "It was great. You must put your feet into it. Thanks!"

"Ga. Woman Collects Outhouses for Backyard," is this blog's news story. If people wonder what we do for hobbies in the South, we'll here you go. This is just one of many. She currently has three outhouses in her backyard with room for more. Some might be about 100 years old, which would explain the unpleasant smell that is causing the evacuation of the entire neighborhood. For a real estate broker, she really needs to learn about what increases and decreases property value.

By the way, An American Haunting is a horrible movie. Waisting seven dollars on this movie will haunt you for a long time. Until next time.