The Mattress Warehouse

Dreaming of My Addictions

2006-07-10T21:09:00.000-05:00

Well, I have come to the realization that not only am I addicted to Starbucks but I am becoming addicted to MySpace. The reason is because I have been reunited with 3 friends from my past. I even met up with one friend this weekend. I hadn't seen her in over 3 years. Incredible! It even leads me to wonder, who will I come in contact with next?

A couple of weeks ago, I had another dream. If you had read a couple of blogs earlier, then you know about my "Cracker Barrel dream." Well, this time it was Dunkin Donuts. I would like to think that I would dream about Krispy Kreme donuts, but for some reason it was Dunkin Donuts. I think maybe it is because we have a Dunkin Donuts but no Krispy Kreme here in Clarksville. The dream was me walking inside the store and ordering a dozen of various donuts. I got the box and took it to my car. Then I woke up. Once again, I do not get to eat the food in my dream. What is with that? So I decided to pick up some donuts before work. I parked my car and proceeded to the front door and noticed a sign saying "cash only." Crap! I had no cash and I wanted donuts bad. So I got back into my car and drove to the nearest ATM. I got $20 out and headed back. Once again, I parked my car and walked in the front door. At the counter, I order a variety of 12 donuts, making sure I get the boston creme donuts with chocolate on top. MMMM! I notice the board behind the employee which had iced coffees and frappacinos listed. Before she rings me up, I ask for a caramel mocha frappacino. She asks what size. I ask how big the sizes are. I asked this because, as we all know, the sizes of drinks have become astronomical. She shows me what looks to be 12, 16 and 20 oz cups. I thought that I would go for the medium. Then I was asked if I would like whip cream on top. No was my answer and then I proceed to pay as my drink was being made. Unfortunately, I was speaking another language again. Why am I so hard to understand? After paying, I am handed a drink in a 44 oz cup with whip cream on top. What is this? This can't be my drink. I wanted the 16 oz. with no whip cream. But once I looked up from this drink, I didn't seem to care. Because not only was the size and the topping messed up, but I seemed to also have an iced coffee and not a frappacino. By the way, when I took a drink, it was an iced caramel coffee. No mocha. It was pretty gross. I think I will stick with Starbucks.

On Friday, I went to pick up some Thai food for me and Vanessa. The Thai House is pretty good. It is no Taste of Thai (which is in Knoxville), but it is a good second choice. The restaurant is a good 20 minute drive from Vanessa's house, but I didn't care. I was starving and craving Thai food. I was ok earlier until Vanessa said she wanted Thai. Dang you Vanessa! Arriving at the restaurant, I noticed it was a whole new group of people running it. Did someone buy the restaurant? Usually, it was a family of three that ran it. Well, I ordered yellow curry chicken for me and pad Thai for Vanessa. I paid for the food and started on my trek to Vanessa's house. It was a long drive. I almost couldn't wait. The anticipation was killing me. I love yellow curry chicken. I do remember thinking in the car that it is nice that I don't have a problem with the Thai House. My problem before was that they were always closed during business hours and more importantly, they were closed when I drove out there to eat. It was a constant frustration that now, I don't have to deal with. I'm very happy about that. Well, I got to Vanessa's and we quickly get the food out. I dish out my rice and pour the yellow curry overtop. I quickly take a large bite. What did I just put into my mouth? No, I didn't just have short term memory loss. That is not yellow curry chicken. I take another bite which is equally disgusting. What is this? This can't be. Not my beloved yellow curry chicken. This was dishwater with yellow food coloring poured over rice. I paid $20 for this food and I hate wasting food, but I couldn't eat it. Vanessa's food was apparently not as bad tasting but it wasn't good either. She decided to eat it which turned out to be a terrible mistake. She is still throwing up today.

This leads me to wonder, will I have a problem with MySpace. Hopefully not. At least, I don't think it will end up like my coffee or Thai addictions. It certainly shouldn't taste bad, so I got that going for me.

I received an email from a friend of mine named Kristin. The email had links to a video called "Salad Fingers." I am not sure what the heck this is. It was strange and somewhat disturbing. There were additional links for more Salad Finger videos. So I watched the second one. AHHHHHHHHH! Folks this one is truly disturbing. I think my days of dreaming of hashbrown casserole and donuts are over. Nightmares of Salad Fingers and rusty spoons will haunt me forever. I will never look at a salad again without seeing that crazy cartoon. And by the way, Kristin is also the person that showed me the Capri-Sun twist. I guess since I didn't give her credit before, my punishment was her sending me the Salad Fingers links.

Detective spoof wins coveted bad-writing prize is my news story of interest. The opening line to the book is this "Detective Bart Lasiter was in his office studying the light from his one small window falling on his super burrito when the door swung open to reveal a woman whose body said you've had your last burrito for a while, whose face said angels did exist, and whose eyes said she could make you dig your own grave and lick the shovel clean." Wow! It definitely deserves the award. Although, one part of the line does seem true, because when I see an attractive woman, her body is definitely saying that I've had my last burrito for a while.

An Odd Twist

2006-06-11T00:57:00.000-05:00

Not all that long ago I learned something amazing. Something that has completely changed my life, well maybe not completely changed. More of a slight change. Did you know that when trying to stab a CapriSun juice, that you twist the straw so that you do not stab straight through the pouch? Unbelievable! All this time, I would try to poke a hole with the straw and struggled. I would either stab straight through the pouch or it would not go through at all. I stopped drinking CapriSun back in middle school because of the constant frustration of my juice going everywhere except my mouth. This drinking problem was something I was ashamed about. But now knowing about the twist changes everything. I have now gone back to CapriSun after a long hiatus. It is absolutely delicious! My only problem now is that Bugsy (my cat) likes to paw at it which causes a slight flood to happen. So this makes me wonder, what else do I not know about?

Well, one thing I didn't know about is how I eat sandwiches. I eat them in a particular way. One bite at a time I go across the sandwich from left to right. Three bites across and then I drop down and go three more from right to left. I repeat this until I have finished my sandwich. I have never noticed this before. My co-worker watched me eat and pointed it out. I wasn't sure she was telling the truth, but then I caught myself doing it. How weird? How long have I been doing this? I may have other things that I do and have just never been aware.

Feel free to add a comment at the end of this blog about some of the odd things you've noticed I have done. Now we all know the stupid things I have done, so don't post those. This blog probably can't hold that much info. Just send the odd things.

On Friday after Memorial Day, I went to downtown Nashville to see Andy Kirk sing. I was very impressed all around. Nothing odd that I saw. Good job Andy!

A news story of interest is "Workers punished for naked pranks." This business sounds like it has a pretty relaxed dress code policy. Thank God Pattie doesn't work there!

Oklahoma Is Not Even One Time OK!

2006-05-17T21:30:00.000-05:00

Three times the excitement! Three times the action! Three times the drama! This is the wonderful line TBS uses when they decide to run the same movie all weekend. I really don't understand how it can be three times the excitement, action or drama. It seems to be the same amount no matter what day you watch it. Clarksville and all of Middle Tennessee seems to be tornado alley of late. This is very different from what I am used to. So it stood to reason that I ended up on a trip to Oklahoma. With all the luck of getting drilled by storms, I thought my luck really hadn't changed to much and I would experience storms there. After all, Oklahoma is the real tornado alley. I arrive in Oklahoma with not much to do, so I decided to watch tv. You will never guess what was on tv! Are you done guessing? It was Twister! All weekend long! Come on! It was amazing how everytime I turned on the tv, it was playing. This really made me wonder what was in store for me. I decided to check out the weather and I had a great change in luck. It was to be sunny and in the 80's and 90's the entire time. So maybe I was a little premature about thinking Oklahoma was a terrible place.

Everyone decided to go out to eat (there was eight of us). The hotel staff had told us of a wonderful restaurant in town called "Meers." So we all made a trip out there. Way out there. It wasn't even in the same town we were. It took about 30 to 40 minutes just to get there, but at least we were there. I was starving. We get seated immediately at a picnic table with benches and a round table to add two extra seats. I was sitting on the picnic bench. Our large waitress comes over to take our drink order. She stands behind me but certain parts of her are on top of me. I move in toward the table as much as possible but she is still hang out on top of me. After getting our drinks, she starts to take our food order. Again, she is standing behind me and because she is a large woman, parts of her were rubbing up against me. This was making me uncomfortable but it was a small discomfort. As long as I got some good food, I will be alright. One person tried to order chicken. She told us they were out of chicken. Then he tried the tenderloin. She said they were out of the tenderloin. He asked what the special was. She said it was barbecue. He tried to order it and she responded with they were out of the special. There seemed to be a pattern here, so we asked what do you have. She said they had burgers and steak. Well, that was easier, so I ordered the famous 1 lb burger called the Prospector. I couldn't wait to eat the best burger in Oklahoma. After ordering the burger, one person asked how big it is. Since she was on top of me she used my head as a visual aid. It was about as big as my head. Then she looked at me and said, "You are kind of squirmy and wormy." What? Are you kidding me? A couple of people ordered the salad bar. The only problem with ordering that was that they were out of lettuce. That is usually an important part of a salad. Don't you think? After a short wait, our food was coming out. Everyone got there food except for me and one other person. I started to think about my Cracker Barrel dream. I was praying that that was not going to happen here. After waiting a few minutes, the waitress comes with my food. I ordered my burger without onions and it comes out with a ton of onions. I really wish that was the most glaring problem with my burger. I have a round pan with a hamburger in it, but I also have probably 3/4 of meat grounded up all around the actual burger. What is this? Isn't the whole thing supposed to be a burger pattie on a bun. I got a burger pattie on a bun but it was smaller than the pile of beef just laying around it. If this wasn't bad enough, the waitress started telling us how they would check for worms in squirmy wormy people. Something about bending over and using a flashlight. Come on! What wormhole did I go through to get here?

Well, I have officially moved. Benjamin helped me move and consume about 20 Starbucks Frappacinos. I am exaggerating, it was about 15. I really need to go to rehab.

This blogs news story is "Would-be robber asks bank how to do it." I believe it is good practice to ask how to do something if you don't know how to do it. But if it is illegal, you may want to avoid asking advice from someone that can get you arrested.

No Casserole For You!

2006-05-08T17:03:00.000-05:00

So, there has been a few things that have happened since my last blog. I had a dream about a week and a half ago. I dreamed that I went to Cracker Barrel with all my friends. We sat at a large table. The waitress came over and took our orders. I had order the Old Timer's Breakfast. I particularly remember this because I wanted the hashbrown casserole. After a few minutes, the waitress brings the food. She lays down a plate in front of everyone but me. I asked where my food was. The waitress responds by saying she was sorry, but she had forgotten. She said she would go and get it now. So the waitress leaves and I sit and wait as everyone is enjoy their food. After a few minutes, I get up from the table and I find the waitress. I ask her again where my food was. She again said she was sorry. She had forgotten, but will bring my food to me immediately. So I head back to my table and sit down. A few seconds later the waitress had arrived with my food. She sets the food in front of me and before I could take a bite, I wake up. No!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I really wanted that hashbrown casserole. The next day at work, I was craving Cracker Barrel and the hashbrown casserole. What a horrible nightmare!

Instead of having that wonderful breakfast that I so craved, I went to the gas station that is right beside my work. They sell biscuits there and I was extremely hungry as you know. I ordered a chicken biscuit. The woman behind the counter said they were sold out of the chicken biscuits but had a really good pork chop biscuit. I said ok as long as it was really good. Then a woman behind me starts talking. I turn around and realize she is talking to me and the woman behind the counter. She tells us that she bought a biscuit the other day and that she could not eat it right away. She had to wait several hours and then proceeded to heat it up in the microwave. When she pulled it out from the microwave, she had to "fight off her coworkers" because it smelled so good. This woman said this was the best tasting biscuit she had had in a long time. It was still fresh tasting. She told the woman behind the counter that "Ya'll must do something to these biscuits to make them so good. You must put your feet into them." I quickly paid for my biscuit and left. Feet? What in the world does she mean by putting your feet into it? I'm sorry, but no matter how good a biscuit is, I do not want one that has had someone's feet in it. Is that what we should say when we have had a good meal at a restaurant? Wow, that was a great Lasagna! You must have put your feet into it. Thank you! To me, it might bring a question of health code violation rather than a compliment.

Benjamin came to visit me in Clarksville the last weekend in April. We attempted to look for the Bell Witch Cave and house. It was only about 20 miles from where I live. We ended up lost due to the fact that the owner took down all his signs. Why would he do that? A movie (An American Haunting) is about to come out and he can probably make alot of money. Not sure why, but when asking for directions, a man with a lazy eye or glass eye, not really sure, would tell you it is because he is a ***** (explicative). This man repeatedly told Benjamin this. So we promptly left there. The next day we went to eat at Cracker Barrel. I am assuming you know why. So I order the Old Timer's Breakfast, while Benjamin orders some horrible looking fishy dinner. I have no problems receiving my food. It was so delicious. As we were eating, there was a barking noise behind Benjamin. Benjamin asked if I heard that. It sounded like a dog barking. I told Benjamin yes and to be quiet. There was a large woman and man sitting right behind Benjamin. The man had a big stack of pancakes. He would cut himself a small portion, bark a couple of times and then proceed to eat. The man repeatedly did this and Benjamin asked me several times if I heard that. I soon pointed out to Benjamin that it was the man behind him barking at his pancakes. Oh how weird! Later, the waitress came to our table when we were done and asked how our meal was. I respond, "It was great. You must put your feet into it. Thanks!"

"Ga. Woman Collects Outhouses for Backyard," is this blog's news story. If people wonder what we do for hobbies in the South, we'll here you go. This is just one of many. She currently has three outhouses in her backyard with room for more. Some might be about 100 years old, which would explain the unpleasant smell that is causing the evacuation of the entire neighborhood. For a real estate broker, she really needs to learn about what increases and decreases property value.

By the way, An American Haunting is a horrible movie. Waisting seven dollars on this movie will haunt you for a long time. Until next time.

Paroled and Tasty!

2006-04-23T21:04:00.000-05:00

Hello everyone! I'm back! I don't know why I keeping writing that I'm back. I guess I just like it. I know it has been a couple of weeks but I have been busy. First, I am getting ready to move. Not from Clarksville, at least not yet. But I am moving in with a friend/co-worker. It should save me a lot of money. I can see the light out from my dark grave of bills and I am extremely excited to get started saving money for a special trip and maybe a house (I can only hope!). My good friend, Benjamin, came to visit me for a few days. It was a lot of fun. We watched some good and bad movies, ate Burritos Fresh, drank Starbucks, played putt-putt and hit some baseballs in the batting cages. To elaborate, Burritos Fresh is a Mexican restaurant that serves mostly burritos. But these are no ordinary burritos. Oh no! These burritos weigh about 5 lbs. At least they feel that heavy. They have about a pound of meat and then they load you up with rice, beans, guacamole, jalapanos, etc. They serve the biggest burritos I have ever seen. I can eat the entire burrito but I can't eat anything else. Great restaurant! Also, I should mention that I actually did hit a baseball in the batting cage. Just don't ask how many where pitched to me. I did foul tip one off my knee. That should count as a hit. After all, it was contact. More recent, I went home to Knoxville on Friday the 14th for my mother's birthday. It was great seeing her as well as my sister and father. I wish I was able to spend more time with them. I made a stop in Nashville on my way back to Clarksville. I stopped at Life Assembly to see John's play being performed at church. It was called Shriveled Heart and it was excellent.

Now I am back here in Clarksville, playing with the idea of online dating. I just don't know about this. It is like I am applying for a job. You put your resume in the website in hopes that a potential employer thinks that you would be a good fit. If you pass the resume part, then you get interviewed. You talk for a while and if you pass this interview, then you get to the second interview which is in person. Sounds way too business like, but then again lots of people are meeting there spouses this way. I was still curious so I thought I would look at a few websites. I could not believe what I saw. It is crazy! Someone actually put on the title next to her picture "Tasty Stacy." Then I saw another one say "Paroled and Ready!" Good Lord! I am not even sure what to say about that. I am sure there are good people out there but seeing that doesn't make me feel too good about this online thing. Not sure that I will go through with it but Muffy is telling me I should at least try it. If nothing else, I will have some good blogging material.

"Phony doctor gives free breast exams" is this blogs news story. Are you kidding me? Please don't get a home breast exam from a doctor you don't even know. I know it's free but come on. You should really pay an actual doctor to sexually assault you. At least you will know the results. Terrible!

Well, until next time.

Pattie's Presence Causes Another Injury

2006-04-02T16:05:00.000-05:00

What is it about Pattie and me having injuries or illnesses. I can't escape this curse. Back in early 2003, Pattie and Vanessa went with me to New York. I had a cold but it quickly turned into a full blown illness when I arrived in New York. I was so sick that Pattie's aunt, who is a health care professional, thought that I was in serious trouble. She was ready to take me to the emergency room. Then in 2004, I went on a trip to Las Vegas with Pattie. It was a rough trip as my right foot was broken. I tried to keep up with Pattie but it is difficult walking in a wooden shoe down the Las Vegas strip. Quite amusing too! Now to this weekend. Pattie comes to visit and mysteriously my shoulder is completely screwed up. I can not lift my hand above my shoulder. It is very painful. So I am finally making the connection. It is Pattie. I am not sure how she is doing it, but if you see her, walk away carefully (don't run, it gives her a chance to make you trip and fall). I am not sure how Rich is still alive. Actually, I haven't heard from Rich since the wedding. Someone better check on him.

The wedding I was referring to was Vanessa and Ken's. It was a very beautiful wedding. Everyone looked great. Good job everyone!

Well, since nothing too bizarre has happened to me this week (thank God!), I am going right to my news stories. Yes, I said "stories." I have 2 stories this time. The first one is titled "Loyal donkeys better than wives, says textbook." Now I agree that wives can complain sometimes, but I don't know about the donkeys. Maybe they do complain. After all, a donkey is commonly referred to as an "ass." They probably just sound a little less irritating. But why donkeys? Maybe there is another animal out there that would be even less irritating or more compatible. I am not sure what would be better but I know a bird would be worse. They are noisy most of the time and crap all over things.

The second is titled, "Jesus may have walked on ice, not water - study." What? Is this really what an oceanography professor at Florida State University studies? Maybe he should be studing the ocean for pertinent issues here in present day. Personally, if Jesus did walk on a piece of ice floating in the water, I think that is also a miracle. Do you know how hard that would be? Incredible! Either way it's a miracle.

Until next time and remember WATCH OUT FOR PATTIE!

March Madness!

2006-03-20T20:45:00.000-06:00

Well, it is definitely that time of year again. The greatest sporting event period. The NCAA 64 team tournament. It is so exciting. I know quite a few people that are reading this paragraph and all they will comprehend is blah, blah, blah. Sorry, but I love basketball and the tournament. If you wish, skip to the next paragraph. It is not about sports. Every year I fill out a bracket and every year I watch as I hardly get any picks correct. It's funny how you always lose to someone who has no idea what they are picking. A couple of years ago, I did a bracket with my coworkers. The person that won chose the winners based on whether she liked their name or uniforms. How does that happen? I'm watching ESPN and doing research on the internet. Shouldn't I win? Actually, I don't put too much weight into winning the tournament pool. I just enjoy rooting for Tennessee, the SEC, and all underdogs. Nothing is better than a small 13, 14 or 15 seeded team beating a major high ranked program. March Madness is great!

Speaking of madness, I went to church this Sunday. I went to the early service which is at 8:15 am. After the service was over, I went downstairs to the Sunday School classrooms. I was waiting outside in the hallway to make sure I had the correct classroom. One of the teachers came out and introduced himself. He asked me what class I was looking to attend and then proceeded to invite me to his class. Although he did say that their class was actually helping with the lunch. I thought this would be a lot of fun. The lunch that they do is for the homeless and poor in the city. This is done every Sunday and each Sunday School class rotates working and serving. I helped prepare some food from 9:30 am to 10:30 am (mainly bread - real tough!). It was unbelievable how much food was there and it was all donated by restaurants and grocery stores. We started serving the food at 10:30 am. We had a buffet line that served hot food at the beginning and deserts at the end. I was in the middle serving salad. Everything was going well and I really felt good about helping. Then I turned to my left and saw one man near the deserts and he started taking off his coat. Then he proceeded to take his pants off. Yes, you read that correctly. This man just took his pants off inside the church. Now the madness comment at the beginning of this paragraph is starting to make sense. Only wearing underwear, he starts walking towards the kitchen area. I am in shock and turn to the woman beside me. As I am telling her there is a man walking around in his underwear, he apparently vomits in the kitchen and heads back out towards us. Now, everyone is fully aware of this half naked man. Thankfully one of the men in charge of the Sunday lunch stopped him from walking out of the dining area and into the sanctuary where the second service is being held. He helped the man get his clothes and escorted him out. The lunch was a great experience except for the half naked vomiting man. Some things you just don't expect to see at church. At least this was not me making a fool of myself in church. I have done this several times. There was the time in Milwaukee where we had a church service in a gymnasium. They used wicker baskets for the offering. I took the basket from the usher and proceeded to pass it down. I did not notice that my watch had caught on the wicker and also that the person next to me did not have a hold on it. I let go and brought my arm back in to my body. The basket turned over and the money was slung out. Why did people have to give so much change? It rolled so well on the gym floor. I had thrown money all over the floor. At least I didn't yell "money changers" as Jonathan suggested.

Here is another news story of the week, "Psychics to try contacting Lennon in TV seance." This is an all time low for TV. They are trying to contact people that we already know how they died. Wouldn't it be more exciting to contact Hoffa and find out where he was buried? And who killed him? Or maybe contact JFK or Marilyn Monroe? Why contact people that can't tell us anything important? Apparently in the first show, Princess Diana's spirit said her limo ride sucked. Wow, that's a shocker! I am sure this isn't a rip off. It's on TV. It has to be true.

Get Down With The Sickness

2006-03-07T20:23:00.000-06:00

Well, I'm back! Yes, I said that in the last blog I wrote. It was just a teaser to this one so I felt like I could write that again. I'm definitely back! At least I worded it a little different. I have been sick for the past week so I did not do to many exciting things. The best was going to Andy and Elizabeth's wedding. It was very beautiful and tastefully done. I particularly liked the music used when the bride came down the isle and when Andy and Elizabeth were walking away after being announced Mr and Mrs Kirk. A couple of U2 hits. Pretty cool! I received a complement from Andy that night asking if I had lost some weight. And to answer this, yes I have. It is a new weight loss craze that I just discovered last week. It is called the flu. You will drop weight fast in just a few days. I dropped the necessary pounds just in time for the wedding. I am going to continue to stay mildly ill so that I can keep the weight off for the 2 upcoming weddings this month. The only down side is the constant snot running out of my nose which I have been told is not a very attractive look. I guess you have to take the good with the bad. I am wanting to bump my diet up a notch to the bird flu but I am having trouble getting chicken imported from China. Not sure what the big fuss is there!

About 2 weeks ago my smoke detector started chirping about every 10 seconds. Of course, you all know how annoying that chirping is and how it never starts doing this until you are either trying to go to sleep or you are asleep and it awakens you at 3:00 am. And why do the home or apartment builders/managers have to put these detectors up as high as possible? Ok maybe because smoke rises, but couldn't we at least have it in arms reach. I know I am short, but come on! Well, it was late at night and I was trying to sleep and my smoke detector started chirping. I didn't have any 9 volt batteries like I always swore up and down I would keep on hand so that this would never happen again. I tried to just lay there, hoping that it would somehow stop and I could go back to my slumber. But the cold hearted machine had no mercy. I got up and walked over to it in the upstairs hallway (which is next to my bedroom). It chirped again in defiance. I flipped the light on in the hallway and stared up at it. I decided at that moment that I would just rip it down from there just for the night. Tomorrow I would pick up some batteries. I walked back into my bedroom and grabbed the first thing I saw. The kitty condo. This is a little stand made out of cork board with carpeting around it. My cat, Bugsy, loves to sit and claw this thing. I don't know why I chose this. Again, it was very late at night. I was not thinking. I placed the kitty condo below the detector and proceeded to climb up and stand on the condo. The condo is built to withstand the weight of even large cats (maybe up to 50 lbs), but it was no match for my 165 lbs. It seemed as if I stood up on it for about 3 seconds before crashing through the entire thing. As I stood there with my entire leg through the condo, the smoke detector chirped. That stupid detector! So I went back into my bedroom and got my desk chair (a much more stable choice). I was able to get the detector down and removed the battery. My poor cat looked at his condo in what I perceived to be shock. That cat literally stared at the crumpled wreckage for a solid 5 minutes. I new I would have to go purchase a new one. I wish I could use the excuse that I was sick then, but unfortunately I was just sleep deprived and annoyed. Oh well!

My news story of the week is "Farmer feeds family friend's corpse to pigs." Wow! I guess this shows that we all now have a third option. Burial, cremation or pig feed? You know I was leaning hard toward cremation but the pig feed really has me thinking. This could be another source of income for funeral homes. They can show you various sizes and prices of caskets or urns as well as personalized burlap sacks.

Well, I hope you enjoyed my sickening blog this week. Hope you come to read again.

I'm Back, Baby!

2006-02-26T22:04:00.000-06:00

Hey, everyone. Sorry for taking so long. I am going try my best to stick with this. I seem to always have plenty to say, but I attribute this to traveling, work, TiVo and just plain laziness. So I hope everyone will start checking back in on this blog. I went to Memphis this weekend with some friends to catch an NBA basketball game. The Grizzles played the San Antonio Spurs and the Spurs won the game. Although the Grizzles did make it a little interesting down the strech. Lots of fun! I also saw a movie that was absolutely hilarious called "Wind City Heat." Jonathan has a copy and hopefully he will burn me a copy. I loved it even though I think it is one of the cruelest pranks I have ever seen.

Well, this is just a little teaser. I will have an actual post later this week. I will probably discuss many topics including some SHOCKING NEW NEWS! Well, not really. That is my way of trying to get people to come back. Hope you will!

You Got Served!

2005-12-03T15:51:00.000-06:00

Well, I am back from Thanksgiving in Knoxville which I had a wonderful time with family and friends. Good times!

Last night I went out to a friend of a friend's house. We played Spades, Shout and Taboo. No, not at the same time, that would be ridiculous. First we played Spades. I was terrible. It was so long since I had played, I think I forgot most of the rules. Then everyone (there was 7 people all together) wanted to play Shout. I had never heard of Shout and asked what it was. They said it is a movie trivia game. YES! They were not huge movie people and I could see me dominating this game. I kept quite about being a big movie fan. We split into two teams and started the game. First, it started with "guess the movie from the famous quote." I got 8 of 10. Second, was "guess the movie from the picture." It would show more of the picture as time elapsed. On one of the pictures, it started out by showing just water. I quickly shouted out "Jaws." Everyone looked at me in amazement. As it revealed more of the picture, it showed the boat "Orca." I was right. It was Jaws. I got 9 of 10 in this category. We went through other sections of the game and I had about the same percentage on answering the questions. I hate to brag, but I smoked them. After the game, I stood up and yelled "You got served!" They didn't know what movie that was from either, so it was a little awkward for a moment. We only played one full game of Shout because it was deemed unfair, so we went to play Taboo. I have never been very good at Taboo, but have always enjoyed it. Well, I must have finally learned how to play. I did pretty good. No domination, but I was competitive. The secret to playing is don't say one or all of the five words below the answer. The other team will buzz you and you don't get any points. All this time I struggled, but now, oh now, it is ON! I must say I had a pretty good time, plus playing a few games will help me practice for my December "Puerto Rico" competition. Puerto Rico is a board game that I tried a month or two ago. With Rich explaining how to play the game, I came out with a victory. Thanks Rich! I heard Pattie finally won after playing about 500 times. That was nice of Rich to let her win. He is pretty charitable at times. I guess 1 out of 500 is good, because I do believe Tamara is still winless. Oh, Yeah! Smack talk on my blog!

Well, enough about my unblemished record in Puerto Rico. My news story this week is called Sexsomnia. I wish I had something sarcastic to say about this but I am at a loss for words. Has anyone else heard of this? I have heard of people sleep walking and killing someone (which is weird enough), but I had not heard of sexual crimes being committed like this. Well, if somehow this guy really suffers from this, I believe when he is getting ready to go to sleep, he should be locked up like a werewolf during a full moon. But, I have a hard time believing this illness. This world is certainly crazy sometimes.

Until my next bloggings which will be a Puerto Rico 4 part series which are titled,"Rich and Brent Are Victorious, Still Winning, Like There Is Any Doubt, and Pattie and Tamara Should Really Give Up - It Is Embarrassing."

Five

2005-11-20T20:15:00.000-06:00

I visited a new church this Sunday here in Clarksville. Madison Street United Methodist is a very large and beautiful church in downtown. One thing they did during the service was they had all the children pass out a card with a little pouch attached. On the front and back of the card is written about thanks for our land and those who inhabit it. The last paragraph says that during your Thanksgiving celebration, think of at least five things, five people, and five events of the past year for which to thank God. This made me think of not only this past year but the last few years and how things have changed so much. I could have never predicted that I would be where I am now. So as to start my Thanksgiving celebration, I want to list my five things, five people and five events for which I am thankful.

Five Things

Job - without this I could not afford the other 4 on this list.
Car - I love this car. It is a 2004 Honda Civic EX. It gets good gas mileage and is extremely reliable.
Starbucks Peppermint Mocha/Carmel Macchiatto/Any Frappuccino - who wouldn't put this on their list, come on, it is wonderful.
Thai Food (Yellow Curry/Drunken Noodle) - I crave these dishes; spicy, tasty, delicious.
TiVo - without this invention I would miss out on so much good TV and I would have to watch commericals.

Five People

Mom - I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for her. She showed me what patience and love is.
Jonathan Wethington - he has always been there for me and I know he always will; he shows his love through his works.
The Sanchez Sisters (Pattie, Vanessa, Sam) - I know I am grouping three people into one spot, but I can't leave any of them out. They have all been extremely supportive and have looked out for me.
Benjamin Wethington- honest and truthful; is always trying to set a good example for others.
Tamara Davis - she helps others because she has a pure love for everyone. I see this everytime I am with her.

Five Events

New Job (May) - I was grateful getting a job as it had been three months after I had been laid off.
Watching "Lost" with Benjamin (Wednesday nights) - I enjoyed spending time with my friend while being completely confused by this TV program.
Birthday (July) - I got to come home from work and spend time with family and friends.
Two Weddings (August) - I loved being able to witness Jonathan & Curry's renewal and Dan's wedding in Las Vegas.
The Coming Holidays - I know it hasn't happened yet, but I know this will be one of the top five events. I can't wait to spend time with all my family and friends.

Another Thanks

Maya - she was my cat for 10 years before passing away in January. I am extremely thankful for those 10 years that I got to spend with her. I will never forget.

This is not my usual silly piece, but something serious that I felt weighed on my heart to do. I challenge others to do a blog that lists five things, five people and five events of this past year for which you are thankful.

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving!

Tamara Davis Loves Gerard Butler

2005-11-17T19:44:00.000-06:00

Tamara Davis is in love with Gerard Butler. I told Tamara that I would post this, so here it is. Well, this week was a little more eventful than last. On Friday, I drove to HOTlanta to visit my friends Andrew and Carey. They are doing very well and I am very proud of them both. I played in a church golf tournament with Andrew on Saturday. We did extremely well. We finished second to last. I also received only one death threat through 18 holes. That is a personal best. On a par 3, I sliced the ball so bad that it hit a tree and about killed an older gentleman that is in the first stages of Alzheimer's. Pretty much a great day on the golf course.

My co-worker earned his $10 as he sat all the way through "The Last Slumber Party." His first response to me was that I owed him much more than $10. Even though he survived watching the movie, it effected his mental state. He started quoting classic lines like, "Hey, science," and "Stop it queer bait." The other day he started singing "Lets go out tonight!" Unbelievable! He can't stop quoting. This movie possesses a power that can't be explained. Please do not watch this movie! Don't be its next victim.

After ruining my co-worker's life, I decided to go to a hockey game (Nashville Predators vs. Dallas Stars) with him. It was dollar hot dog night and I felt another bet coming on. Who can eat the most hot dogs? Quite a challenge. Not really. After his Slumber Party lobotomy, he could not keep up with me. I smoked him by eating two hot dogs. Yes, I know that is not many, but considering his state, I beat him pretty bad. He just tried to stab me with his hot dog which had three well positioned drops of ketchup on it. I wanted him to stop because he was starting to weird me out, so I used one of the lines from the film. I yelled "Stop it queer bait!" This was probably not the best line to use considering how many people were around and that he was holding a hot dog next to my throat. Stupid movie! Hey, the Predators won the game 5 to 3. Great game! Also, anytime the Pred score 5 or more goals, you get a free taco at Taco Bell with your ticket stub. Go Pred!

Well, I guess it is time for my news story of the week. In New Jersey slogan search, everyone's a comedian shows how much of a joke New Jersey really is. The people there are getting to make fun of the state, but what about the rest of the US. I am sure that the other 49 states would love to get involved. One suggestion was "New Jersey: Hey, at least it's not West Virginia!" This could start a domino effect where all states would belittle the other in their slogan. I personally would love for this to happen. It might make the whole "state slogan" thing more interesting.

Well, until next time and don't forget, Tamara Davis loves Gerard Butler.

When Is The Thai Restaurant Really Open?

2005-11-09T17:00:00.000-06:00

Greetings! Well, my first blog seemed to do pretty well, but did spark some interesting comments. For some reason, everyone thought I said Jonathan got locked in a Home Depot bathroom. This is untrue. I said Jonathan worked at Home Depot and was once trapped in a store bathroom. I did not specify what store, but as Jonathan pointed out, it was at P&S School Supplies. I am already stirring up trouble! Wow!

Enough defending my comments. I want to start out by saying congratulations to Rich on his art showing. I wish I could have been there, but it sounded like he had great support and a wonderful evening. The last exhibit I went to was the Buddhist exhibit at the KMA (Knoxville museum of Art, like you didn't know). It was pretty interesting. Lots of violence, sex and nudity. Pretty graphic stuff. I am sure Rich had the same kind of wonderful artwork. I heard he was working on a new piece called "Wife Wearing Only Underwear in Driveway." Sounds a little strange, but I bet the Buddhists would love it.

Well, I tried to go to the Thai restaurant again. Unfortunately, they were closed. What is with this Thai restaurant? I attempted to go a few weeks back with Muffy Cookwood and it was closed on a Sunday afternoon. I wish someone would explain the concept of "hours of operation" to these people. The door says Monday - Sunday 11 AM to 9 PM. Their business card says Monday - Saturday 11 AM to 9 PM. I know, the business card must have the correct hours of operation. No! That is not right either. I went on Tuesday at 6 PM and it was closed. Muffy gave me a hard time (ADVERTISEMENT: see her blog at www.cookwoodspalace.blogspot.com). I tried calling the restaurant but they don't answer their phone. Do they want to make money? I am not sure.

As most of you know, I own the worst movie ever made. No, it is not an Ed Wood film. It is a Stephen Tyler film. No, not the one in Aerosmith. The movie is called "The Last Slumber Party." Some experienced the horror at Jonathan's house recently, but only for about 20 minutes. I had once made a bet with a friend from my old job. I would give him $10.00 if he could watch the entire movie. He ended up giving the movie back to me having only watched 5 minutes of the film. Recently, I mentioned this at work and one of my co-workers said he would take that bet. I agreed and gave him the movie to watch. Poor guy! He doesn't know what he has gotten into. He is watching it tonight with his wife. I told him that was not a smart idea. She might beat him to death, but he is willing to risk it. The way I described the film was that it was like "The Ring." The difference is that instead of waiting to kill you in 7 days, this movie is so bad it could kill you immediately. Few have watched and lived to tell about it. Stay tuned to next week's blog were I will give the results of this bet.

My news story this week is "Three die playing catch with grenade." This is very tragic, but absolutely stupid. Folks, don't play catch, keep away, hot potato, dodgeball, kickball, tennis, hide the pin, guess what's in my pants or any kind of game with a grenade. It won't end very well and you probably won't get to finish your game.

Before I go, I just want to say to Jonathan that the floors at Inskip look fabulous. Nice job. Until next time everyone.

The Warehouse is Open in ClarksVegas!

2005-11-03T17:42:00.000-06:00

Hello from ClarksVegas! It is actually Clarksville but Jonathan pointed out that every city sounds better if you attach "Vegas" to it. Thank you Jonnie! This is my first time blogging so that is my defense if something goes wrong. After coming back from a weekend in KnoxVegas (thanks again Jonnie!), I have been going to work every morning and coming home to my daily workout and NBA basketball. I have renewed my NBA League Pass just in time for me to travel for work again. I am always good about wasting money. I am very excited about this NBA year. It should be very entertaining.

I had dinner last night at the only Thai restaurant in ClarksVegas (this is gold Jonnie, GOLD!). I was accompanied by Muffy Cookwood (aka Vanessa). I can not emphasize enough how much I LOVE THAI FOOD. I ordered the Yellow Curry with Chicken, Spicy. Absolutely delicious!

On Halloween, I went over to Cookwood's place (sounds like a restaurant/bar). She dressed up like a princess and I dressed like a Cleveland Browns fan, basically I had a Cleveland t-shirt and hat on and I said some rude things. Just kidding! I said a lot of rude things. I also threw a bottle at one kid because he was dressed as a football official. I repeatedly yelled "Bad call, No Candy!" What was he thinking coming around a Cleveland fan? It was a good night of candy, scary movies and ridiculing children.

I will sometimes post a news story of interest to me. The news story of this week is called, Man Sues After Using Glue-Covered Toilet. Jonathan might find this more interesting because he used to work at Home Depot and he was once stuck in a store bathroom. All I am going to say is that practical jokes can be funny, but they can also have consequences.

Well, I hope this was a good start. Relax everyone, I just made up the throw the bottle at the kid part. I am not that mean. There will be some truth and some fiction. These are the kind of things to expect from the Warehouse. I just hope you enjoy.